So this post just might be the longest I'll write and my thoughts suggest parts will relate to all the topics and labels on this blog. My thoughts have become poignant and I hope that I can express what I would like to here.
While at a friend's home to play Rock Band last week I mentioned I was unfamiliar with all the songs listed. One person responded, "Don't you listen to the radio?" I kept my silence, but the question evoked some profound thoughts. I don't listen to broadcast radio unless I'm listening to the news, weather, or the KSL talk shows with Doug Wright or Sean Hannedy. The depth of my thoughts continued when I asked myself "Why?" The reason roles back to my resistance to surrender my moral agency. I will choose. I don't like the radio because most often I find myself listening to the music that others, including the host, like. I don't like surrendering my ability to choose what music will play to someone I do not know. I won't let someone who probably doesn't hold at least some of my same values choose what I will hear. I WILL CHOOSE!!! I don't use cruise control because I will choose my speed and I will maintain it. I will not surrender myself to a faulty electronic system. Even watching TV can become tiresome for me because I'm choosing who will select my programming. Moral agency is the greatest God-given gift that each and every individual has, second to the infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't remember the battle nor the details of it, but it is recorded that there was a war in Heaven over this principle. I felt strongly enough about moral agency that I fought for it. I won't surrender it to a bottle, a substance, a form of electronic equipment, or a person who, for all intensive purposes, is unknown to me.
Some days ago I received a phone call from a dear friend, one that I wasn't expecting nor did I want. Afterward, I felt to say this:
"Lord, put me through the refiner's fire and make me pure
Put me on the front lines of the battle, I'll fight for you.
Let the challenge and trial come
Let the rain pour down in torrents
My home is built upon your Rock.
I pray that Thou wouldst help me pick anchors that are strong.
May my selected armor be Thy armor.
While in the fire, grant me patience to bear.
Let me come out of the flame having become holy
May war lead me to lean on Thy ample arm
I hope trial will remind me to be humble.
I'll go through the fire, just be with me while I'm there."
Last night I had the awesome opportunity to go to the Oquirrh Mountain temple. My brisk pace took me in the front door quickly and there awaited a sister. "Do you have a reservation?" I didn't flinch nor did I despair when I responded that I did not. "Can you change [your clothes] quickly?" I answered in the affirmative. "You're in luck then because we can fit you into the 6:30 session." I almost did not believe the divine providence. The Lord wanted me to be there. My favorite part of going to the temple is being in the Celestial room. It's special in that place and I love being there. Especially since I feel closest to the Lord there, close enough to talk to Him. Before returning home, I purchased a notebook in which I shall write down my feelings and thoughts while I'm there.
A while ago I posted a list of recently purchased music from the iTunes store. Here are a few more:
Next Door to Eden (Album) - Drew Reese
A Good Man - Emerson Drive
Amarillo Sky - Jason Aldean
My Front Porch Lookin' In - Lonestar
There are more, but I'll not list them. There are enough of them. Eight days ago I was working, in the snowstorm no less, when the chorus lyrics of Amarillo Sky came to mind:
"Lord I never complain and I never ask why
Please don't let my dreams run dry
Underneath, underneath this Amarillo sky."
I stopped complaining about the cold wind and the falling snow. I kept singing to myself those words to uplift myself.
I don't believe in fairy-tale romances. I'm not Prince Charming nor do I ride a white horse. I'm not seeking a princess locked in a tower. I don't intend on fighting any dragons along the way (intentions and actions do not always match...) In terms of love and romance I rely on doctrine as taught by the prophet and his counselors and the twelve apostles. I rely on their teachings with regard to dating. Establish a friendship. Go out, just the two. Stop hanging out. If she says no or breaks up, move on. Feelings of love will remain, of course. That's normal. Move forward with life because it'll get better. I decided that I shouldn't worry that my emotional reactions are not typical. After all, I'm atypical myself. Everything I do will be different for what other people do.
I've been thinking a lot about about agency and freedom lately. It's interesting that freedom doesn't come from "doing whatever you want" but rather by disciplining yourself. In disciplining yourself you actually have more options. For example, by disciplining your self financially, you end up having a budget with more flexibility.
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