Monday, May 5, 2014


I miss the days when I blogged or wrote in my journal.  I feel like I was more aware of my emotions, that my thoughts were better organized, and that I had greater mastery of myself. Reflecting on that period, I seemed to have more emotional control, more focus on where I wanted to be, and I recovered from hard times more quickly. Now I feel like a messy ball of yarn, nearly spent with emotions ruling my actions and my words, my direction isn't so sure, and recovering from hard blows takes longer.
Is it really because of the writing, or lack thereof, that I sense this change? Or is the change because I'm finally settling into more adult responsibilities and roles? I am pursuing a college education. I own a car. I file taxes annually. There are bills in my name and debts which I owe. Is the change then because the blows are harder, more direct, yet subtle?
Did writing make a difference? Perhaps so, but perhaps only to the extent of helping me organize my thoughts and direct my counter-attack. The struggles I believe to be harder and to last longer and my counter, if any, is half-hearted because it is so ill-prepared.
Let this be a return, a return to writing. May my self-mastery return and my counterstrike be more swift and sure. May God bless my family through my efforts. He already gives us so much because of my wife's work.